Does ‘the one’ exist?

I have always been a dreamer; I have always wanted to have ‘the one’.

While we question our choices on a daily basis can the loss of attraction be fixed? When a wedge of distance begins to grow amongst a couple is there a way to fix it? Endless hours of getting to know one another and gazing into each other’s eyes doesn’t really exist. I suppose I always thought that couples would last forever, that when I finally chose someone that that would be me set.

Forever, I am beginning to realise is an extremely long time and filling this time with a relationship is becoming ever harder. When someone does one thing to put a dent in that relationship it’s fixable, when they carry on to have minor blips, those too, are fixable, however, what can you do when you begin to lose sight of the person you fell in love with.

I ask myself this question now more than ever. I look at him and think are you changing or am I?

Entering into a relationship in your early twenties is hard. We both still have so much growing up to do, we haven’t formed into the people of our future, perhaps we are simply growing apart or perhaps we’re becoming different people. This doesn’t make me feel any less guilty though. It doesn’t stop me from hating myself for not seeing the man I fell in love with. Can we though, fall in love with our first love? This is yet another question I pose to myself.

I watch my friend’s parents; they’ve been together since they were fifteen and they’ve made it work, so how come now I can’t seem to? I know that I love him but is he my boyfriend or simply friend?

I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how I feel. One minute I see a future with him, I see our forever; and then another minute I can’t see anything.

Boys, I have decided are extremely confusing individuals and ones I can’t read.

Should I have to bring all of the happiness to the relationship? Should I bring the money or should we be equal? Tiring is the word. Relationships are far too overrated (sometimes). I love him and I know he loves me but sometimes looking past the blips and the growing, looking past the changing is hard. But is it worth it? This question is soon to be answered.

I am still a dreamer; I still believe that there is one special person for everyone. I want to believe in fairy tales, however, now I know that life is a little more complicated than happily ever afters. Life has problems and mountains to climb and I suppose that now, now I have begun to enter a world filled with adult questions and choices.

While I believe that ‘the one’ exists I now realise that it’s not all about roses and hearts. It’s about growing together and learning how each other work and move. ‘The One’ can’t be discovered after a first date, it takes months and years of decisions and arguments to decide. So I suppose what I’m trying to say is that we can find or soulmate but we have to work for it. Life isn’t a fairytale it wasn’t meant to be easy.

I am still a dreamer; I still believe that there is one special person for everyone. I want to believe in fairy tales, however, now I know that life is a little more complicated than happily ever afters. Life has problems and mountains to climb and I suppose that now, now I have begun to enter a world filled with adult questions and choices.

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2014: A Year In Review

Everyone seems to be writing a personal post on 2014 so I decided to join the club. 2014 was a special year for me, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t find myself so easily typing words.

The beginning of the year saw the end of my first year at University, a year where I’d met many great people and discovered friends that I know will be with me for the rest of my life. With two of these friends I embarked on adventure down the East Coast of America. Starting in New York I had a chance to live through a dream, having wished for years to see the city that never sleeps I was finally walking down fifth avenue and strutting through Central Park (I did have a moment where I pretended I was in Sex and the City, who wouldn’t?)

From New York with its bright lights and constant energy we moved south to Washington. This place to me, was spectacular. It was beautiful and a vast difference to the constant sound and smell of New York. I felt at peace among the museums and the monuments. Everything seemed natural and in truth I can see myself returning there in the future…. to live.

Florida meant one thing…DISNEY! I had the chance to be a child and trust me I used it! Getting autographs and my pin collection I felt like was the princess (who cares if I’m twenty). The best part about the trip though, was getting to spend it with two people I had only met six months before, and these two people are now two of my closest friends.

The summer saw my parents moving pubs, awaiting a new challenge a new life. While saying goodbye to friends that I had briefly made I had hope for my family. The summer also brought one more typical cliché…romance. This year I managed to find myself a guy, my first boyfriend (what can I say I’m picky!). Having met him while he worked for my parents before they moved we only grew closer through the distance and from friends we decided to become more. Five months later I can say I’m happier that I’ve ever been, and I have him to thank. He’s kind and caring and I’ve completely fallen for him. (If he reads this, no big head please!) Now he’s moved with us and I smile every time I think of him, he’s part of the family and thankfully the parents approve!

September appeared and so did University. Second year is already proving to be tough however, with a first and a lot of hard work I’m slowly growing as an academic. With a job here and two work placements I’m constantly trying to get myself into the industry.

Christmas was perfect I had Kyle and my family and of course Marley (my very own Border Collie x Retriever) who I miss whenever I go to Uni. Now that New Years past and I can reflect I know 2014 was a great year, a lot of adventure and a lot of surprises I grew as a person, I became hardworking and passionate. I had so many experiences and gained valuable information. Having been offered a three week internship with Grazia magazine I allowed myself a moment of pride and achievement, looking forward to taking part in this I know I have a lot I know that 2015 will be challenging but I look forward to it, and I look forward to seeing what the future will bring.

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Washington DC

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This photo offers a lot of inspiration whenever I take a quick glance. Earlier this year I travelled down the East Coast of the USA for a month with two of my friends. It was a magical time where I met a lot of amazing people and learned a lot about American culture. Having seen the sights on NYC and exploring Disneyland in Florida I still settle by saying, Washington was the place I truly discovered.

When originally planning the trip I added in Washington simply because ‘I want to see the White House’, who doesn’t? When we arrived though we discovered this charm and character that the place has. The people where friendly (which was a nice change to the urban sprawl of miserable New Yorkers) it was clean, and there was a patriotic sense that you never receive in the UK.

Walking from Capitol down to Lincoln Memorial there is nothing but Museums and culture on either side of you, it as though the heart of America surrounds you. When we finally (after three days of stopping at every museum imaginable) arrive at the Lincoln memorial, looking back over my shoulder the shadow of the Washington Monument falls over us. Turning I sit at the edge of the reflection pool and breath out at the sight before me.

I think of the last week I had spent in the city I had dreamed of visiting; New York. Washington was just a pit stop, New York was my main goal. Though while I felt the city was amazing I was a little disappointed, New York wasn’t quite the fairy-tale I hoped for. Washington though, lived and surpassed any expectations. I now know that at some point in my future, I am going to have to call DC home (and maybe hang with the president).

With birds chirping in the distance and school children laughing in the background I feel nothing but comfort. Relaxing I sit while the sun goes down and I pray I never leave Washington.